you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
