Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
