He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
