matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
