We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
