the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The uberlube is also flammable
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
