After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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