i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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