Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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