Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
