Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
