his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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