dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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