I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
