If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
