We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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