She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
