so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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