wakey wakey hands off snakey
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It's just like the Real World with babies
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
