my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize