last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
