If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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