Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
