god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
