I wish my penis had an off switch
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
