Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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