a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize