That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Small penises have feelings too.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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