You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
