I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
