hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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