why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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