hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you will always have a special place in my vag
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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