We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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