Betty ford says i'm here all night
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize