put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
