hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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