remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
farters have to be the big spoon...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
