I must be too annoying 4 u.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
