Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
she looked like the before picture.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
