she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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