Just fell off a train. Bad.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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