the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
