There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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