Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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