just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
