she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
