omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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