The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize