I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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