ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
ugly people sure do ruin things
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
