i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
