I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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