Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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