Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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