i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
