Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
