im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
