separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
