no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
