Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
As shirtless as possible
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
