I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
