i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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