I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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