Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
