Where is the hickey?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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