they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
