I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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