Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
