go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
