i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize